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Miscellaneous

Chapter 3 is my personal favorite. If someone were to ask me why, I might say it's the same reason that people like Benji the dog. He's a scrufty little pooch, complete with spunk and character, who doesn't always fit in well.

Well, this chapter is filled with an assortment of cranial aberrations that don't fit in well anywhere else in this book. Any attempt toward categorization would fail; so here they are, and, like Chapter 1, in the same sequence that Jesus showed me.

	About Domestic Violence

I always pictured domestic violence as an emotionally frustrated man coming home, probably drunk, from a tedious job and an unreasonable boss. In response to little or no provocation, he would begin to verbally abuse his beleaguered wife and frightened children. The words become aggressive actions and soon someone is hurt.

It was Spring of '98? (maybe '97) in Ann Landers' column (or was it Dear Abby) in which a reader reported the results of a poll that related to domestic violence. The results surprised me.

This poll asked questions of several couples whose relationship was marked by physical violence. According to this poll, 60 percent of all the women polled admitted that they (i.e., she) actually initiated the violence, either by hitting, slapping, scratching, etc.  Ninety percent of the men claimed that she started it.

Now let's assume that the truth is halfway in the middle. At 75%, this means that she has the power to stop the violence before it begins in three out of four cases.

	The Progression

Consider the following sequence: 1, 11,14,24,28,32,39,42,43,46,53,57. The sequence continues by adding 60 to the first entry, then the second, and the third, etc.

If you care to solve the sequence, I will simply say that it relates to the number 5, which, incidentally, happens to be my favorite number ever since bus #5 transported me to kindergarten and home again way back in the mid fifties.

	Eating an Orange

Here are the three possible ways to consume an orange:

	•	Cut it in half, then quarters, and then eighths. Eat each segment.

	•	Peel the skin off the orange and then eat each section.

	•	Cut a hole where the stem connected to the fruit and suck out all the OJ. When the juice is gone, the skin splits apart. Then open up the orange and eat what's left.

	Twirling a Spoon with a Pen

Place an ordinary metal table spoon on a horizontal, non-skid flat surface (e.g., the flip side of a mouse pad). Then take long pointed object (e.g., a retracted ball point pen, the tip of the handle of another spoon, etc.) and push that object into the cup of the spoon such that it causes the spoon's handle to lift off the surface. Next, twirl the end of that object in a circular, clockwise motion in the spoon's cup, but try not to allow the handle to touch the surface.

Will the spoon's handle move in a clockwise direction, a counter-clockwise direction, or not rotate at all? Unless you try this experiment, you may be tormented by this riddle for the rest of your days.

	Toe or Instep?

Sometime during the sixties the entire world of football seemed to move from toe-kicking field goal specialists to soccer-style kickers. At the beginning of this decade, the Eagles had Sam Baker; the Colts had Lou Michaels (who was also a linebacker); and the Cleveland Browns had Lou, the Toe, Groza. I recall that all kickers approached the ball on a path that pointed to the goal posts.

But, by the end of this decade several former, foreign soccer players had part time jobs with the NFL. There was Jan Stenerud of the KC Chiefs, and Pete Gogolak (Giants, perhaps?), and his little brother, Charlie who kicked for Princeton University. All of them approached the ball at a 45 degree path and kicked the ball like any good soccer player would, on the laces of the shoe. If there were any toe kickers at the end of the sixties, they were certainly replaced in total by the end of the seventies.

Well, there was one exception, but he was a special case. Tom Dempsey of the Saints and later of the Eagles was a toe kicker in the sense that he was the last of the kickers to approach the ball directly from behind. But, in another sense, he was not a toe kicker because, well, he had no toes. Born with a club foot, his lower appendages were perfectly formed for this profession. (He once held the record for the longest field goal in NFL history [63 yards] in a game-winning kick for the Saints against the Lions.)

Is the new style better than the old? If so, why did football thinkers take so long to discover that soccer-style kicking is superior to toe kicking? I mean football has been around for over 100 years. Yet only 35 years ago, did anyone think to give this other method a try. Why? Was there a rule change that previously disallowed non-toe kickers? I don't know, but there must be an answer.

	Kicker Size

Something else about the art of kicking a football puzzles me. The average size of a football player in the NFL has to be about what…250 lb? Yet the kicker is always a little guy, rarely more than 200 lbs. Can little guys kicker further than big guys?

But maybe I'm missing the point. The kicker doesn't need to be big. Therefore, he can be an average size. I mean "average" by non football standards.

	September 11, on the Horizon

When I was a teenager back in the 60's, more than once I would hear of a newpaper article or see or hear on the broadcasted news about the discovery of an old Japanese man, living alone on a deserted South Pacific island. When his discoverers arrived at the island, the old man would attack them on the beach with stones and whatever weapons were available.

After convincing their attacker that no harm was intended, it was discovered that he was a sailor from the Imperial Navy of Japan, who, during the close of WW2, had volunteered to fight to his death to defend the island from the western invaders, as his comrades retreated to fight again. When the war ended, no one every returned to tell him. So, he had zealously defended his space for the past 20 years.

Fortunately for his discoverers, his machine gun and other deadly weapons had rusted away long ago.

So, how does this relate to the tragic events of September 11, 2001? Only this. Anyone who had any reason to be in downtown Manhattan on that day had a very brief moment in which they could decide to begin their life over. Before they had made that phone call home to reassure their family of their safety, they had a rare opportunity to disappear and reappear somewhere else as someone else. The rest of the world would simply assume that they had perished in the rubble.

Who might want to seize this uncommon chance to begin over?

	•	A convicted criminal, currently free, but expecting a stiff prison sentence,

	•	or someone who wants his/her beneficiaries to collect a hefty payout from the insurance company.

	•	or someone in the midst of a grueling divorce,

	•	or a member of the armed forces who is longing for his return to civilian life.

Of course, they might need contacts with someone who can provide a set of new credentials.

I suspect that during the next 20 years, we will hear from people whom we thought had perished on that awful day.

	Humming in the Stall

Have you ever noticed that every public toilet stall has a resonant frequency? If not, try this experiment some time:

The next time that you are performing your fundamental duties at a public facility, begin to hum, at a low volume, the lowest pitch that you can. Then, gradually increase the pitch, (but not the volume), until you arrive at a tone at which the sound seems to reverberate off the sides of the stall and echoes in your ears.

This is the toilet stall's resonant frequency. This frequency, measured in hertz, is the audible tone whose wavelength is either the same width of the stall or is a harmonic (i.e., even multiple) of that frequency.

Notice that if you continue to increase the pitch, the tone no longer resonates. But, when you arrive at the second harmonic (i.e., twice the base tone frequency), the stall again resonates. However, the lower, first-order harmonic is the most impressive.

Now, before you conclude that my current life is lacking, do understand that the discoverer of a new scientific principle is not necessarily the one who figures out how to best use it. When Mr. DeForest invented the vacuum tube, no one could think of a single application. Not until many years later did this discovery become the basis of the radio, which, by the way had no conceivable applications except to allow shut-ins to listen to their Sunday morning church service. Back in the 70's few could see the benefit of a computer in the home.

So, it is not unreasonable to assume that some brilliant minds of the future will seize upon this discovery and apply it to a practical application that will benefit all mankind.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

That completes the new entries. What follows are the entries that have appeared with the previous revision of this site.

	1. Decked Out

The odds of going through an entire deck of cards one at a time while correctly announcing before each card is drawn and looked at one of the 12 cards that it is not, is 1.015572935129948 % ([12/13]52).

By the way, on 1/7/97, I finally won. Here's the sequence: 87423593J7KK5J75J89QA272A6K3TQK43Q644T99ATTA28J8Q665

	2. Football Scenario #1

The Eagles, who trail the Bunions 14 to 10, have the ball on the Bunions 5-yard line.  The clock, which is stopped, shows 00:03.  Coach Buddy tells Randall to set Cris Carter wide right  When the ball is snapped, Carter is to go straight down the sideline, and then cut across the end zone to get the winning pass.  The play works beautifully, the clock expires, Eagles win Superbowl CLXVII 16 to 14.  Instantly, the field becomes a mob of fans.  Brent Musburger announces the outcome, and while the hysteria continues on the field, the TV breaks for a commercial.

During the commercial, the Bunions cornerback who was assigned short coverage on Carter is desperately trying to reach an official before they leave the field.  He succeeds.  He asks that a video check be made on Carter's pattern.  The official signals the official's booth, who make the check.  The video confirms that Carter's right foot touched the sideline when he cut to the inside, thereby taking him out of the play.  The final touchdown does not count.

When the commercial break is over, an astounded Brent Musburger announces "Ladies and Gentlemen, a truly remarkable development has occurred since we left for the commercial break.  When we left, the Eagles had won 16 to 14.  Now, the Bunions win 14 to 10."

	3. God Bless You!

A trivia question on a box of breakfast cereal has confirmed what I have believed for many years.  You can't sneeze with your eyes open.  Why anyone would want to prevent a sneeze is beyond me; there's something distinctively therapeutic about a good sneeze.  But, if you're in a situation where silence is important (e.g., a good game of hide & seek or hand grenades), remember to prop your eyes open to stifle that sneeze.

	4. A World Series Scenario

It's the bottom of the ninth of the seventh game.  There's two outs with runners on second and third.  The team at bat is trailing 5 to 4.  On the next pitch, the batter sends a long fly ball to deep left.  The left fielder is sprinting toward the warning path.  He leaps as the ball is about to hit the wall.  The ball hits the pocket of his glove, and as he clutches the ball, he hits the wall headfirst.  Knocked unconscious, the fielder collapses as the ball falls from his glove.  Two runs score, ending the game; but do they count?  Did the fielder hold the ball long enough to count as the third out?  A bench-clearing melee follows.  The game ends in a protest.  The commissioner must decide the winner.

	5. Out or Safe?

The game is tied as it enters the bottom of the ninth.  The leadoff batter hits a triple.  The next batter strikes out.  The manager signals the third base coach for a squeeze bunt, who relays the signal to the batter.

Because the pitcher is pitching from a full windup, the runner is nearly halfway down the line before the pitcher releases the ball.  All the batter has to do is put the ball down in fair territory and the game is over.

But the batter missed the sign.  Instead of a bunt, the batter takes a full cut and sends a towering fly ball to mid center field as the runner slides across the plate.  Seeing the mix-up, the runner jumps to his feet and heads back to third as quickly as possible to avoid a double play.

Meanwhile, the center fielder loses the ball in the sun and it drops next to him.  He picks it up on one bounce and fires a bullet to third base.  The runner is tagged out as he returns to third from the opposite direction.

The ump yells "Yer out!".  But the third base coach says "Wait a minute.  He can't be out, because the game is over.  He has already scored winning run on the play!"  The third baseman says "Of course he's out.  He returned to the field of play, thereby nullifying the run!"

Did the third base umpire correctly call the runner out?  or should the game-winning run count?

On 6/5/90, Stan Szumoski says that if the runner touches home plate on his return to third base, he returns to the field of play, nullifying the run.  If he does not touch home on his return, it's the same as if he stayed in the dugout.

	6. A Basketball Game Scenario

Time is running out as the team with possession trails by one point.  With less than one second on the clock, the trailing team launches an off-balance 35-footer.  The buzzer sounds while the ball is in the air.  The ball hits the front edge of the rim and bounces straight up.  When the ball comes down, it rattles around the rim a few times before it starts to roll around the rim.  After five rolls, the ball is temporarily suspended, spinning, on the front edge.  Then it rolls around three more times before it comes to rest, briefly, on the rim's back platform, next to the backboard.  Just as the junior official whistles the ball dead, the ball rolls into the basket for what would have been the winning points.  But the senior official could overrule the junior official.  The eyes of both teams, as well as the eyes every fan that are both watching in the building and on television around the world, are on the officials that are huddled at the scoring table, trying to find the right decision.

	7.   Uniqueness

Sometimes it's helpful (at least I think it is) to think of the various things that make us unique.  For example, I like to back my car into a parking space.  Only 1 in 20 drivers do that.  (Statistics based on a random sampling of various parking lots.)  Also, my first name is longer than my last name.  (Based upon the Infotron corporate phone list, only 1 in 10 people can make such a claim.)  This means that I'm one in 200. Consider also #107.

	8. Flying Erasers

Here's a game which can be played with an large art-gum eraser and a pencil.  Place the eraser vertically on a table.  Hold the pencil by the pointed end.  Hold the eraser end of the pencil next to the base of the eraser.  With one flick of the wrist or hand, move the pencil so that it causes the eraser to move in the direction toward the pencil.

	9. The Longest Word?

Is the longest word really pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?  That word, which has 11 more letters than Mary Poppins' supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, appears in the Webster's New Collegiate.

	10. Watching Fingernails Grow

Based upon my personal observation, fingernails grow at a rate of 4 millimeters per month.

	11. Scams

I hope that I don't have a criminal mind, but here are some unethical, illegal, but original, ideas:

	•	Now someone who is not particularly noble must have realized that if you search a shopping mall's parking lot for discarded receipts, you can take each receipt to the corresponding store, find the same merchandise (or at least something that is the exact same price), and walk out without paying.  If you are stopped, simply show them the receipt as proof of purchase.

	On a more honorable level, if a purchased item fails to live up to its warranty, but you lost the receipt, simply buy the exact same item again, and return the original item with the new receipt.  No one is defrauded.

	•	Now I've heard that cubic zirconium is an inexpensive, synthetic rock that closely emulates a real diamond.  "Only your gemnologist knows for sure".  If so, why don't more cheapskate young men pull the old switch-a-roo on their fiancees, and save themselves a bundle of money?

	•	Now here's a money-making scheme that will surely prove how depraved my mind is. Start by joining as many independent churches as possible. Do not join any churches whose buildings and grounds are either leased or owned by a higher ecclesiastical authority. (The name on the deed must be that of the local church.) This way you are effectively obtaining free membership to a corporation that owns valuable property.

	If you join enough churches, one of them, sooner or later, is likely to cease being a church (due perhaps to declining membership). When that happens, the property is sold and the assets are distributed among the former members.

	•	Now for a coupon scam. Collect all the coupons that you can. Take them to the grocery store that offers double-coupon savings and buy all the coupon items that you can. Don't be concerned that the item is of no possible use to you. Save the receipt.

	Return the merchandise to the store over the next few days. The store will usually refund the full value of the merchandise without regard to the coupon deduction. (The receipt does not usually indicate the item for which the coupon is used.)

	For example, if you use a 50¢ coupon to buy a box of laundry detergent for $2.99, you will pay $1.99 for the item (doubled coupon). When you return the detergent, the store will refund to you $2.99. You made a dollar profit.

	•	Just because I have two cars does not mean that I drive any more than when I had one car. Yet, the insurance company and the state motor vehicle agency want me to pay more even if I can't drive both at the same time. One sleazy solution is to own two identical cars (make, model, year, color), but register only one. Sometime later go back to the agency and lie to them that your first set of plates were stolen, and pay the nominal fee to get a second identical set. Both the insurance company and the state will believe that you have only one car.

	This idea is more safely implemented if you have a lockable two-car garage.

	•	Now for a postal scam that might get me some prison time for mail fraud. Simply reverse the location of the destination address and the source address on the envelope and mail it without a stamp. The postal service will deliver the letter to the desired destination believing that it's returning the letter to the sender for lack of postage.

	12. Rags to Riches to Rags Again

We've all heard the story about the person who started working in the shipping and receiving dock of a small business, how he rose to become the chairman of the board of directors and chief operating officer.  But suppose, by taking carefully disguised lateral moves, he gradually demoted himself back down to the dock.

	13. Has Anyone Heard It?

Would someone please tell me why I have never heard the song "Nothing Takes the Place of You" played on the radio or any other musical source since I first heard the song way back in 1966?  The end of the song goes like this:

	So I'll wait 'til you're home.

	Again I love you, but I'm all alone.

	And Oh my darlin', I'm so blue

	'cause nothin', no nothin', takes the place of you.

And the song fades away in soft piano notes.

I returned to this problem in August of 1992. I asked an oldies music guru, Andy Flitter, about this song. He too never heard of it, but he referred me to Tower Records and Video in Cherry Hill. On September 1 Kathy and I visited Tower, where they had a catalogue of just about every song ever recorded. With the help of Steve, a salesman, I discovered that the song was used in the 1988 movie, Hairspray. The following Friday (9/4) I rented the movie.

Not only was the song used in the movie, but the composer and original artist, Toussaint McCall, was featured singing the song, which goes like this:

	I took your picture from my wall.

	And I replaced them both large and small.

	Each new day finds me so blue

	'cause nothin', no nothin', takes the place of you.

	And Oh my darlin', I'm so blue

	'cause nothin', no nothin', takes the place of you.

	As I write this letter,

	It's raining on my windowpane

	And I find the need of you

	'Cause without you, nothing seems the same

	So I'll wait 'til you're home.

	Again I love you, but I'm all alone.

	And Oh my darlin', I'm so blue

	'cause nothin', no nothin', takes the place of you.

Only one thing leaves me just a little puzzled. I was sure that a piano provided the background music. The movie's version had an organ instead, although the song faded away in the movie before it was complete. I recall that other names appeared under this song in Tower's catalogue, including Isaac Hayes.

	14.A Note?

The only problem with giving athletic teams a singular name (i.e., the Miami Heat, Utah Jazz, etc.) is what do you call an individual player on such a team?

	15. Historical Speculation

Why don't more authors and movie makers use historical "what if's" as the basis for their stories?  For example, I would love to read the book or see the movie that would be entitled "Strike North".  As I learned from Ben Glassman, Strike North, the name of Imperial Japan's alternate plan for entering World War II, was the proposed invasion of the Soviet Union from the east.  What would have been the ramifications on world history if such a plan were implemented instead of "Strike South" (i.e., the attack on Pearl Harbor)?  Russia would have two major battle fronts and the U.S. would not yet have a clear reason to enter the war.

	16. The Intersection

We live near the intersection of the 40th latitude and the 75th longitude.  On 8/8/89, I found a map of New Jersey that shows the location is close to Moorestown-Riverton Road about one half mile northwest of the intersection with Route 130.

As close as I can figure, our house is located at 39° 57' 58.85" north by 75° 0' 42.86" west.

	17. Splitting Raindrops

I suppose it is possible that a raindrop could fall precisely on the Continental Divide somewhere in Idaho or thereabouts, so that half the rain drop would trickle down to the headwaters of the Missouri River, and flow out to the Gulf of Mexico via the Mississippi River, while the other half would end up in the Pacific via the Oregon/Snake Rivers.

I have subsequently learned that there is a court house at the top of a hill in Ohio. Rain drops that fall on the southern part of the roof of that court house find their way to the Gulf of Mexico via the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers. Rain drops that land on the north side of that roof rolls down to Lake Erie and out to the Atlantic via the St. Lawrence River.

It seems remarkable that just the smallest influence on that rain drop, like the slightest puff of wind, could change a raindrop's destiny by several thousand miles.

	18. Listening to that Still, Small Voice

Once there was a young Christian man who worked at a secular office job.  When God called him to full-time missionary work overseas, his coworkers, both saved and unsaved, gave him a going-away party.  One of his coworkers, knowing his friend's strong stance against gambling, bought a lottery ticket for him as a prankish gift.  The ticket wins the young man $100,000,000.  How will this affect the young man's ministry?

	19. Smart Bugs

On 8/18/90, while cutting the grass, I was stung seven times by honeybees near the children's sand box in my side yard.  How did those bees know to attack me and not the mower?  After all, if I were a bee, I would conclude that this loud, 4-hp monster is a greater threat to my home and family than that big, fat guy running across the lawn.

	20. Charitable Investments

The 9/90 Readers Digest has an article about a volunteer program in which people earn credits by performing service for others.  The credits can later be redeemed for help from others when needed.  It's something like a life insurance policy in which you pay your premiums with your time instead of your money.  Great idea!  The article said that only 6 percent of the 96000 credits that were issued last year were redeemed because the volunteers were finding so much personal satisfaction in helping others.  If so, why not let the credits earn interest like real money, so that the "investor" would get back 2000 hours of man-help 10 years after he "invests 1000 hours of helping others.

	21. The Intersection at our Front Door

As mentioned above, I live at 39° 57' 58.85" north by 75° 0' 42.86" west.  At the opposite point on the earth (39° 57' 58.85" south by 2555° 0' 42.86" west), I would be in the Indian Ocean about 500 miles west of Perth, Australia.

On my 52nd birthday I discovered that if the entire continental United States (i.e., lower 48) were superimposed on its location at the opposite side of the globe, the US would be entirely immersed in the Indian Ocean. In fact, not even the smallest island would be included in this area!

	22. Wake Up!

During business meetings while everyone is seated around a big table, it's sometimes amusing to put my knees together under the table and gradually lift the table by extending my toes using the calf muscles in my lower legs.  From above the table, no one can tell who or why the table is ascending.  (They usually don't even notice that the table is moving at all.)  Sometime when I have a little more courage, I'll suddenly drop the table to the floor and watch everyone's reaction.

	23. Long and Short

To the best of my knowledge, the honor of being the longest monosyllabic word is shared between the words "straight" and "strength" at 8 letters each.  (But then "strength" can be pluralized to make a 9-letter monosyllabic word "strengths".)  The shortest polysyllabic word is "Ai" (the town where Joshua and the Israelites lost badly and then won).  The shortest trisyllabic word is "area".

	24. Playing God #1

Some think it's impossible, but I believe that someday man will use his God-given intelligence (but not necessarily wisdom) to control the weather.  This means no more killer tornadoes and hurricanes; no more stifling droughts and raging floods; no more bitterly cold nights and brutally hot and humid afternoons.  Every Christmas will be white.

This all sounds wonderful, and it is; but we should prepare ourselves for one perhaps undesirable ramification.  How or who decides when it rains, shines, snows, etc.  The democratic way would be to allow the electorate to decide via a referendum.  I vote for comfortable, low-humidity weather and blue skies all day long with a nightly rainfall between 3 AM and 5 AM.

Wait!  There's two other problems with this plan:

	•	Could this be used as a military weapon?  (Let's destroy Saddam Hussein by covering Iraq with tornadoes.)

	•	How will we ever start a conversation?

	25. All the World is a Stage?

Sometimes I like to believe, although my Christian faith says no, that the only things that exist are those items that are within my immediate range of consciousness.  Everything beyond that range does not exist.  As I move from one location to another, "props" (i.e., things and people) are instantaneously created as I enter each new location.  As I leave, the "props" vaporize.

For example, right now 'm sitting at my desk wasting time with this stupid idea.  At this moment, the only things that exist are my computer, desk, papers and books, phone, chair, walls, floor, ceiling, lights, and the rest of those items that I can actually see or hear.  As I get up from my desk and walk to the men's room, all those items from which I walk away vaporize into nothingness and new things are instantly and continuously created as I move through space.  If I were to turn around, my office and all items around it are quickly set up again, while the things that were in view disappear.

On 6/6/98 I saw the movie The Truman Show, which vaguely defines the existence that I have described.

	26. Put them to Use!

Let's hold a contest that offers a meaningful prize to the contestant that thinks of the most practical use of the land that is enclosed by highway cloverleaves.  I see these unused properties that grow only weeds and underbrush which could be used for something.

Of course, my environmentalist friends, if I had any, might explain that weeds and underbrush are just fine, thank you.

	27. You're Crazy/ I'm Crazy

Now consider a few thoughts I have on the subject of craziness.

For several years now, crazy people have been considered victims of some intangible disturbance of the mind.  People that are truly crazy, experts say, are not accountable for their behavior.

I partly agree.  But craziness is similar to drunkenness.  Like drunkenness, craziness causes us to act irrationally and irresponsibly.  To a certain extent, the victim is not accountable for his/her behavior.  However, we choose to become drunk.  Similarly, we choose to become crazy.

Do we decide that we will perhaps spend the rest of our lives in a mental institution?  I believe we do, although this is not a conscious decision.  The decision is a gradual one that becomes reinforced every time we encounter a situation in which we must make a moral (i.e., right/wrong) decision.  "Shall I choose the right, noble, honest, although uncomfortable course of action, or the expedient, comfortable, and perhaps shameful course of action?"

Every time a morally wrong decision is made, a measure of guilt follows.  That guilty feeling can be quieted if we convince ourselves that we are not accountable for our actions.  We are a mindless puppet that is controlled by an external force; God perhaps, others, circumstances are the ones responsible for our behavior.

We like non-accountability.  We enjoy doing things that make us feel good, while avoiding the responsibility and the ultimate results of our foolishness.

Drunkenness is a shield of non-accountability that we choose to build overnight, or less.  Craziness, however, is a shield of non-accountability that we build over years of bad decision-making.  As that shield becomes thicker and more impenetrable, our rationality becomes more and more elusive.  Why? Because our escapes from accountability become more and more subconscious.

If we were to examine the neurological systems of all the patients at Ancora State Psychiatric Hospital, would we find that their physiology is just as healthy as our own?  Would we learn that the vast majority of the patients were born sane?  If all the facts were available, would we discover that at some time in their past there was a milestone in their lives in which a pattern of wrong thinking had started, and was nurtured by more wrong thinking?  I believe the answer is yes.

But are they victims? Yes, of a crime that they willfully commit on themselves.

	28. Smaller Time Increments

Q.: How old is someone in years when he/she is one billion seconds old?  A.: Approximately 30 years and nine months.

	29. That One Wish

Should we ever encounter that magic genie who will grant us one wish, I would encourage everyone to have his/her answer ready ahead of time.  Here's mine:  That from this point in time and throughout all eternity, I will never once experience a negative feeling, such as fear, anxiety, boredom, sadness, anger, guilt, pain, etc.  But, as a Christian, I have part of that wish fulfilled already.

	30. Super-Bo #1

Bo Jackson has been an inspiration for the following scenario: the ultimate professional athlete.

Because the MLB team for which he plays always goes to the World Series, his football season doesn't begin until late October.  However, he's older than Bo: around his mid 30s.  He's the starting quarterback for one of the best teams in the NFL.  He's a drop back, stay in the pocket type QB that is reminiscent of Johnny Unitas, or Sonny Jurgenson, or Len Dawson.  He's a precise passer; rarely throws an interception.

After leading his team to the Superbowl, he joins his NBA team in late January.  Their season immediately turns around, as his team climbs to the top of the division before the playoffs begin.  This 6'6", 230 pound small forward is a superb ball handler and passer.  He doesn't run very fast or jump very high, but he is rarely beaten while defending on the fast break.  He's a deadly 3-pointer, and boasts a 95% free throw average.  He's like a John Havlicek or a Bobby Jones.

In mid June (after the NBA finals), he completes the cycle.  He's a starting pitcher for a perennial World Series contender.  He typically wins 15 games per season and always has an ERA under 2.5.  Nolan Ryan is my selected comparison.

How would Paul Tagliabue handle a situation in which a single athlete with uncanny strength and speed can run through a pack of 11 defenders like a bowling ball runs through 10 pins.  If a MLB team never loses because it has a pitcher that can throw a 160 mph fastball with precision for nine innings every day of the season, what would Fay Vincent do?  Suppose the NBA has an unstoppable 100% 3-point shooter?

At first, fans would be fascinated by the attraction.  But when the interest passes, no one would watch any more.  What would the commissioners do?

	31. Fire-with-Fire

Now I realize that this next idea will only prove my childish immaturity, but I would like to carry the most powerful, commercially available boom box in the trunk of my car for self-defense against those brutish punks who destroy my tranquillity by selfishly blasting their music in public.  It would be big of course; but not too big to be portable; with wheels perhaps.  Perhaps it could draw power from a separate car battery that draws its charge from my car's electrical system.  Think how satisfying it would be to drown out Vanilla Ice with the Blue Danube; to silence Guns and Roses with Beethoven's 5th; to send those inconsiderate poltroons away in frustration with the William Tell Overture at 10 dBm.

	32. What is Sound?

Remember the question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, is there a sound?  The answer, which finally occurred to me after years of thought, depends upon the definition of the word "sound".  If sound is defined as the transmission of audible signals via disturbances of the air, then there is sound when the tree falls.  But if sound is the reception of those signals, then no, there is no sound, simply because there are no ears to receive it.

	33. Carry a Small Stick!

It seems that a valuable skill for a baseball player to possess would be the ability to foul off any pitch in the strike zone.  A batter would use the lightest allowable bat and a very short, controlled swing with just enough bat movement that the ump will not rule as a bunt, which, of course, is a strikeout if fouled with two previous strikes.  Such a batter should always reach first base as he patiently waits for four pitches out of the strike zone, while deliberately fouling off all the rest.

	34. Shared Names

What do the following team names (taken from the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL) have in common: Giants, Cardinals, Rangers, Jets, Oilers, and Kings? A: All names are shared by two different teams.

	35. Soul-Searching

Where does the soul reside within the body?  I guess that the intuitive answer is the brain.  If that is true, would a brain transplant change the personality of the recipient to that of the donor?  After all, it appears that neither a heart transplant nor any other type of organ substitution changes the person itself.  But if the essence of our person is locked in the gray matter, then could we (that is the real us that is programmed in our mind) live forever by simply exchanging bodies when the old ones wear out?  We could be like a car that stays on the road long after its expected life by exchanging its motor, transmission, and other parts as they wear out.

	36. Toilet Brains

Speaking of brains, if I had my quota, I would invest my entire earthly goods in the Sloan Valve Company of Chicago, Illinois.  I don't think that I have yet been in a public bathroom in which that name is not etched in the stem on top of every urinal handle.

	37. Football Scenario #2

Here's another football scenario, or perhaps several in one play:

The Beagles, who trail the Kitties 14 to 13 with 00:03 left on the clock, have the ball on the Kitty 25 yard line.  Kurt Sniggles, the field goal kicker, is called into the game.  The ball is snapped, the holder puts the ball down, but the kick is blocked.  The ball bounces around the backfield until Sniggles kicks the ball again out of midair using a 180 degree helicopter kick.  The ball sails toward the uprights.

But Walter Urkle, playing free safety for the Kitties, makes a running leap and just barely deflects the ball at the crossbar.  The ball bounces off his hand, bounces between each upright, hits the support post and bounces back through the uprights into the end zone.  Does it count?

	38. Who are You?

If I were allowed three questions to learn as much as I could about someone, I would ask:  What is your name?  Where are you from?  Who is Michelangelo?

	39. Shaving

I've concluded that shaving must be regarded as a distinctly manly thing to do.  I mean that men seem to assert their masculinity by shaving (or not shaving).  If it were not so, some clever pharmaceutical lab would have concocted a potion, which when applied to the face, would disable or permanently destroy all facial hair follicles, thereby obviating the need for a razor ever again.  But I suspect that most of us men would compare such action with a vasectomy; a dimension of our virility is taken away.

	40. See Ya Later

Which two NFL teams have gone the longest period of time without playing each other.  As of 1/21/91, I understand that the answer is the Eagles and the Chiefs, who last played in 1973.

The string was broken on 10/11/92 when the Eagles lost to the Chiefs 24 to 17.

	41. Food Values

When we go to the supermarket to buy food, we usually have four factors in mind (either conscientiously or not) as we move groceries from the shelves to our shopping cart:

	•	Does this item taste good?

	•	Does this item satisfy my hunger?

	•	Is this item nutritious?

	•	Is this item inexpensive?

	•	Is this item easy to prepare?

Yup, there it is folks: taste, substance, nutritional value, price, and simplicity.  We buy chocolate cake because it tastes good and it is not very expensive, but it lacks food value and it takes time.  We buy wheat germ because it's great for our bodies and not too costly, and easy, although it makes a terrible cereal.  Broiled lobster is delicious, nutritious, only requires boiling, and requires a second mortgage to serve it at home.

But have you ever wondered which food gets the highest total score in all three categories?  The question, of course, is subjective in at least one area.  My vote, however, is powdered skim milk.  It's cheaper than whole milk and has no artery-clogging butterfat, and not too hard to prepare. And, believe it or not, I like the taste...honest.

	42. All You need to know about French

Three years of high school French has helped me to determine for myself my favorite French sentence, which is "On en a ont un".  Translated loosely, using bad French grammar, it means "They had one of them".  These 5 words may not look very interesting either in their written form or spoken by someone with no exposure to the language.  But in the French dialect, they sound like a series of 5 grunts, each with a unique inflection:  "AWNH ONH AH ONH UNH!"

	43. Bouncing the Beam

Can you control a TV that is equipped with a remote control capabilities (i.e., turn on, change channels and volume, turn off) by aiming the remote control unit at the TV's image in a mirror?  I tried it once and I couldn't do it.

	44. A Useless Monetary Fact

$36.41 is how much money you would have in your pocket if you had one issue of each value of the most commonly used United States currency (i.e., $20 + $10 +.$5 + $1 + 25¢ + 10¢ + 5¢ + 1¢).

	45. The Best of Both!

I have discovered that when I am asleep and I am dreaming that I am eating, the food satisfies my appetite.

	46. Etmi?

Name four, four-letter words using each of the following four letters once in each word: E,I,M,T.

	47. Sleep Paging

Harvey is working in his office.  Because he didn't sleep well last night, he dozes off at his desk.  Steve, who hears snoring from his neighboring office, sneaks into Harvey's office, quietly picks up Harvey's phone, dials the number for paging, and softly places the phone next to Harvey.  Snoring is heard over the company paging system until Harvey wakes up.

	48. Other Nagging Questions

	•	Has a woman ever slam-dunked a basketball? Yes! On 1/18/98, Sylvia Crawley of the Colorado Xplosion (a team in the ABL, the recently started women's pro league, did it during a half-time show of the all-star game.)

	•	Has anyone ever slam-dunked a bowling ball?

	•	When Utah finally made polygamy illegal, how did that law affect pre-existing polygamous marriages? Did a man have to divorce all but one of his wives?

	•	If a common law marriage happens after a set interval of cohabitation, does a man who is living with multiple women become a polygamist, and subject to criminal prosecution, when that interval expires?

	•	How much money is there? What is the sum of the total assets of each and every person on earth? What is the total amount of currency ever printed or minted?

	•	Why is ticket scalping illegal? Who is defrauded by this "crime"?

	•	Is it illegal to wear flesh-colored, skin-tight clothes with body parts painted on the outside? I know that it should be, but is it?

	•	How do you know when you run out of invisible ink? (not original)

	•	Can mosquitoes spread AIDS? If so, why is this not deemed a threat?

	•	Remember the movie Free Willy? Is the word "Free" an adjective or an imperative verb?

	•	How far could a 18-wheel truck that is pulling a filled diesel tank rig travel if the tank were connected to the truck's fuel line?

	•	I learned recently that the Disney movie "Angels in the Outfield" is a remake of another movie by the same name that was released in the early 50s. But the California Angels didn't exist until the early 60s. How can this be?

	•	Do you like to chew the ice that is left after you drink the beverage? I often do. But I prefer to eat the smaller pieces before the larger. Why is it so difficult to position the smaller pieces to the top of the cup (next to my mouth) with the larger ones below?

	•	How many colors are needed to ensure that no two contiguous states are pictured with the same color in a map of the United States? (I'll guess 4.)

	49. Daydreams

Sometimes I have momentary (nearly instantaneous) flashbacks that depict what I believe is either an incident that occurred earlier in my life or perhaps a dream that I once dreamt.  While the flashback is happening (never more than one second), I am usually conscious of a very clear picture.  However, when the flashback is complete, I can recall either nothing or nearly nothing.  The following are flashback occurrences:

Date	Time	What I recall:
5/30/91	8:20 AM	Some people and a round disk (about the size of a Frisbee).
5/30/91	11:43 AM	Nothing
11/19/91	6:45 AM	A steep mountain
11/8/92	2:13 PM	A kitchen where warmth and godliness prevail
12/18/95	?	Several dark, shapeless objects, each of which are constantly changing form. They exude a vague feeling of well-being.

	50. Shoot-em-up

These are the various archery courses that operated in the woods of South Jersey during the early to mid sixties: Kodiak, Wanokee, Crimson Oaks, Glassbowmen, Garden State, Lenape, Bowbenders, Clementon Archers, Alloway, Absegami.

	51. Animal Adjectives

This is the most comprehensive list that I have ever seen that includes words that end in -ine that describe a type of animal: feline, canine, equine, bovine, lupine, piscine, hircine (goat), colubrine (serpent), porcine, asinine, serpentine, elephantine, ursine, vulpine, anserine (goose), anguine (snake), cervine (deer), leonine, phosine?, vespine (wasp), larine (gull), taurine, leporine (hare), hirundine (swallow), corvine (crow), soricine (shrew), vireonine (vireo), passerine (songbird), oscine (perching bird), ovine (sheep), corvine (crow)

	52. M-towns

Here are all the towns within 15 miles whose names begin with M: Moorestown, Maple Shade,  Merchantville, Marlton, Medford, Medford Lakes, Mt. Laurel, Mt. Holly,  Mt. Ephraim, Masonville, Magnolia, Mantua, Morrisville ? (intersection of 130 and Westfield on some maps).  Mullica Hill and Mays Landing are too far to count.

	53. Heteronyms

My heteronyms (or words that can be pronounced in more than one way): lead, wind, close, read, polish, entrance, bow, minute, live, progress, present, perfect, use, console, dove, coax, drawer, tear, sow, content, bass, invalid, arithmetic, project, attribute, contract, conduct, resume, resent, abuse, buffet, refuse, envelope.

	54. Big 5 to NBA

Here are the current or former NBA coaches that either played or coached in the Big 5:  Dave Wohl (Penn, Nets), Paul Westhead (LaSalle, Lakers/Nuggets), Jack Ramsay (St. Joes, Sixers/Trailblazers), Chuck Daly (Penn, Pistons), Matt Goukas (St. Joes, Sixers/Magic), Jimmy Lynam (St. Joes, Sixers), Don Casey (Temple, Clippers), Jack McCloskey (Penn, Pacers?), Jack McKinney (St. Joes, Pacers?), Dick Harter (Penn, Hornets), Mike Fratello (ast. Villanova, Hawks)

	55. Trivial Geography

Geography is a subtle interest of mine, and the answers to several geographically related questions can be found below:

	•	Rivers that form state boundaries: Connecticut, Delaware, Potomac, Savannah, Mississippi, Missouri, Columbia, Snake, Red (2), Colorado, Sabine, Menominee (2), Wabash, Ohio, Pearl, Perdido, Tug Fork, Big Sioux, Bois de Sioux, Saint Croix, Hudson, Appalachicola, Saint Marys, Saint Francis, Des Moines

	•	State boundaries that do not seem to be determined by either longitude/latitude or a river:  Virginia - West Virginia; Idaho - Montana; Virginia - Kentucky; North Carolina - Tennessee

	•	The two contiguous states that have the greatest distance between their capitals:  California and Arizona.

	•	The path from the Atlantic coastline to the Pacific coastline that crosses the fewest number of state boundaries (6): North Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arizona, California

	•	The two states that have a common boundary with the most other states (8): Missouri, Tennessee.

	•	The two states whose boundary is on the same parallel that we live (40º north):  Kansas/Nebraska

	•	The two states of the continental 48 that neither have, nor border upon, another state that has a major professional athletic team (i.e., MLB, NFL, NBA, or NHL):  Montana and Maine.  (However, if a Canadian province is a state, Montana and Maine do not qualify either.)

	•	The number of locations in the United States where the boundaries of three states meet at a single point.  56

	•	The only state boundary that is an arc of a circle. Pennsylvania-Delaware.

	56. Shake it Tight?

Having a lawn mower with a bent shaft has caused me to question a very common phenomenon.  Why do nuts and bolts naturally unscrew themselves when vibrated?  Of course, a fully tightened screw can only become loose.  But once loose, why does the bolt continue to unscrew?  If would seem to me that the vibrations of the mower would cause bolts to sometimes turn clockwise and sometimes turn counter clockwise.  Yet, even against gravity, screws always turn counterclockwise in response to vibration.  Inquiring minds want to know why.

	57. How Fast?

While riding my bike to work this morning (12/5/91), there was a clear and cold sky overhead. I wondered though: If I could hand pick the meteorological conditions, what would be the minimum length of time between a cloudless day and a drop of rain. In other words how long would it take for rain clouds to move in on a perfectly clear sky and deliver.

58. Answers to "Hidden Scriptures"

Here, without comment, and without a separate title, are the 16 hidden books and 12 grandchildren in my Bible/cousin challenge (entry #92):

	My teacher is here because the ozone wants to be seismic. Ha! Elect the New York Vitamins, who want to be NJ Amino Acids. Ben told AJ a nice fox trap riles the tiger with equal excuses.

	Can you prove RBS stands for Rambling Bowel Syndrome?

	Set my Rolex!, O dust! When her face was numb, ersatz faces saw Jud. Even Inez rattles her cage while she ships alms overseas.

	Joe likes to format the white sedan I elevated yesterday.

	Although Greta bit Hans while dumping the Vodka, it lingers ubiquitously.

	While raining on Hannah, umbrellas chose a blind horse.

	Although most Hawaiian witch doctors won't say so, there be kahunas that still ululate at the moon.

	The Senior Prom answered suspicions that Patti Moth yearns to crawl again.

	In the city of Delphi, lemons are so bad!; I, a headwaiter, recycle addlepated lemons.

	Far from the Linear Intergalactic Zone (LIZ), Abe thanks Mr. Stroehmann who tried to bar rye bread from bovine communion.

	Creating word puzzles is in my genes. Is that OK?

	59. A Tough Decision

Would I be willing to do something that would cost me very little time, trouble, or money that would also greatly benefit all of mankind, even though it would wrongly cause me to be remembered throughout all history as a hated, cowardly, greedy villain?

	60. Why Abortion Clinics Only?

When I hear news stories about abortion clinics that are picketed by pro-life supporters, I often wonder why other, equally reprehensible, establishments are not picketed as well. For example, adult sex shows patently destroy families. Yet they rarely encounter any resistance outside their doors.

	61. Flaky Theorems

Here are my unproven mathematical and geometric theorems. (Although someone smarter than me has probably thought of these long before I did, only Jesus has ever showed them to me.)

	•	•    If you are given a set of any four coplanar points (no three of which are collinear), you can arrange a checkerboard of any size so that each point occupies a separate square.

	•	•    If you a given a set of any number of digits (from 0 to 9), you can arrange those digits into different numbers of your choice, add those numbers together, and repeatedly add the digits in the sum until you derive a single digit. That resultant digit will always be the same no matter how you arrange and add the original set of digits.

	For example, the digits are 1,4,6, and 8. Add them together and get 19; 9+1=10; 1+0 = 1. Next, add 64 +18, which = 82; 8+2 = 10;  1+0 = 1. Next, add 814 and 6; then 8 + 2 + 0 = 10;  1+0 = 1. This group of digits always yields 1.

	62.   Solve these if You can!

You knew they were coming, so here they are!! My original chess problems:

	63. Continental Walk

One of my more foolish velleities is to walk across the U.S. following the shortest path from Atlantic to Pacific that touches all 48 contiguous states. Here's my path.

Starting at the southern tip of Maine, I cross NH to the sw tip of Vt; south to the nw corner of RI, and sw through Ct, NY, NJ, Pa, to northern Del. Then west across Md, through Va. and WV to the southern tip of Oh. Then south through Ky, Tenn, NC, to the nw tip of SC. Then across Ga, Ala, to the nw tip of Fla. Then nw across Miss to the ne tip of La.

From the corner of Miss, La, and Ak, generally follow the Mississippi River north passing Mo and Ill. Turn right at the Ohio River. When you reach Ind, head north to the nw tip of Mich, crossing Ill and Wis along the way. Then turn left and go to the ND, SD, Minn corner.

Then sw again aiming for the point where Tex, Ok, and NM meet, crossing Neb and Kan along the way. Next head for the 4-point corner of Col, NM, Ar, and Ut. Then go to the sw tip of Wy and then the ne corner of Nev. Then north to Mont and west to the se tip of Wash, crossing Id. Finally across Ore to the nw tip of Cal and the Pacific.

	64. Why do I Watch Movie Credits

Answer: Because I learn some very interesting information. Do you remember the Walt Disney character Professor Ludwig Von Drake? Sure you do! When I check the credits of the next movie or cartoon in which he appears, I expect to see the name of Victor Borge, the famous pianist and comedian.

	65. Parking the Gum

I guess that we Americans don't chew as much gum as we did when I was a child. I came to this conclusion when I would run my hand under the table at which I am seated in various restaurants. Totally smooth! Forty years ago, the underside of any restaurant table would resemble craters on the moon from all the hardened chewing gum that diners would stash there.

	66. Southern Exposure

I suppose that there are some excellent ski resorts in New Zealand, Chile, or perhaps even Australia/Tasmania. But I doubt that they will ever be selected to host the Olympic Winter Games. Why? Is it because few sports fans in the northern hemisphere will want to watch snow&ice games that are telecast from the southern hemisphere in July.

	67. Short-Named Body Parts

10 parts of the body whose names have 3 letters: arm, ear, eye, gum, hip, jaw, leg, lip, rib, toe

	68. Philly Pro Teams

I just thought that I would list all the current and former Philadelphia professional athletic teams that I know of:

	•	Baseball:  Phillies, Athletics

	•	Basketball: Sixers, Warriors, Tapers

	•	Football: Eagles, Stars, Bell, Bulldogs

	•	Hockey: Flyers, Firebirds, Blazers, Ramblers

	•	Soccer: Atoms, Fury

	•	Tennis: Freedoms

	•	Lacrosse: Wings

	•	Has anyone ever written a history of these teams?

	69. Goose/Gander Equality

If a woman freely consents to be naked and in bed with a man, can she later say that she was raped? I'm surprised that more and more people, both men and women, are answering Yes with very little qualification. On 5/17/91, I wrote a letter to the Courier-Post about this matter. They never printed it. Appendix A has a copy of that letter.

This letter was in response to another editorial letter from a Mr. Adamo, who I believe was an RC priest. His letter plainly stated that she must bear the primary responsibility for sexual behavior in a dating relationship, because she has the most to lose.

This letter was written before the famous Mike Tyson rape trial, which caused me to think a little further on this subject.

If the answer to the opening question is an unqualified Yes, then one of two legal adjustments must happen:

	•	His sentence should be inversely proportional to the degree of encouragement that she provides.

	•	He should be able to counter-prosecute her for entrapment.

If I understand the facts correctly, Mike Tyson's accuser visited his room unescorted and by her own decision. Although this detail does not excuse him from his behavior, it should be a mitigating factor when setting the sentence.

Anyway, Here it is:

	"As Readers See It"

	c/o Courier Post

	P.O. box 5300

	Cherry HIll, N.J. 08034

	Somewhere between the time when they meet at the bar and when the act is completed in either bedroom, there is a threshold beyond which it is no longer reasonable for her to say "no" and expect him to jump to his feet and say politely "OK!, I have to get up early tomorrow anyway."  Whether used as a beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife or used for more evil purposes, God made the male sex drive to be perhaps the most powerful of all the human appetites.  It carries too much inertia to be turned on and off like a spigot.  Can your readers who responded with such criticism of Mr. Adamo' s views be so ignorant of this power?

	I read with interest and compassion the responses from women who became a victim of this power.  The 5/15 letter certainly conveyed the pain that this reader once endured.  Now I'm no professional, but I suspect that for many rape victims, the act of being bodily violated and defiled is only part of the pain.  Equally painful is her later recollection either of what actions she could have taken or avoided, or of what words she could have spoken or withheld, that could have prevented this.  Let's face it, whether done by design or ignorance, those actions and words may have raised the male response to a dangerous level.  For example, a woman who visits a man's residence at night and unescorted is sending him a clear and direct message, whether real or perceived.  On the other hand, the Central Park Jogger, while enduring a horrible assault, is likely to be far less tormented by later regret.

	One indignant reader felt that it is not fair that a woman is allowed to be victimized just because she made a foolish decision.  Perhaps not, but playing with fire has tragic repercussions that are often irreversible.  Are these readers suggesting that she be allowed to tease and experiment with limits, while he remains the paragon of self-control?  That's not fair either.

	In any relationship, whether business or personal, the party that has the most to lose is the party that must exercise the most caution.  It may not be right, but as long as prevailing general attitudes sees him as the "conqueror" and her as the "damaged goods", it will be her who must set the limits.

	Although I am disappointed that Mr. Adamo did not state his case with a little more compassion for readers who may be hurting, every woman needs to know that her most effective deterrent is simply what Mr. Adamo rightly summarizes in the phrase "obstat principiis".  Don't begin to push that car downhill unless you are willing to see it arrive at the bottom.

	70. Philly Futility?

As a forlorn fan of all four of the Philadelphia professional athletic teams (Phillies, Eagles, Sixers, Flyers), I sometimes feel that it's tougher to be sports fan in this metropolitan area than in any other in North America.

But I never tallied the athletic success of Philadelphia and compared it with other cities. So the following is such a comparison. I start with the time when I first became a sports fan, which was about 1960, and finish now (8/19/92). For simplicity, I am comparing only the total number of championships for each city and not total winning percentage. After I compare the total number of championships, I will divide each number by the city's total team-years (the number of teams multiplied by the total number of years that the team played in the respective city). This second computation is not yet completed.

I am counting victorious World Series, Superbowls, NBA championships, and Stanley Cups. NFL championships, prior to 1967, are also counted; but not AFL championships before the merger with the NFL. ABA championships before the merger with the NBA are also not counted.

During this time the Phillies have won one world series; the Eagles won an NFL championship in 1960, the Sixers have won two NBA championships, and the Flyers have won two Stanley Cups. A total of six championships have been won by Philadelphia teams during the poll time window.

During the test period, each team played for 32 years, for a total team-years of 128. Philadelphia's success quotient is 6/128 or 4.5%.

But what about other cities? Here are the totals. (I was surprised that Philly came in sixth place.

	•	New York - 15 championships

	•	Boston - 12 championships

	•	Los Angeles - 9 championships

	•	Pittsburgh - 9 championships

	•	Oakland - 7 championships

	•	Philadelphia - 6 championships

	•	San Francisco - 5 championships

	71. Beyond Hypocrisy

Jimmy Swaggart has confirmed what I have long suspected. The World (i.e., those who do not care about God) rejoices when a Christian falters because it makes them feel that there is really no one out there to whom anyone really needs to be accountable. The following letter (dated 11/15/91) discusses my views on this subject. The Courier-Post later published it.

	"As Readers See It"

	c/o Courier Post

	PO Box 5300,

	Cherry Hill, N.J. 08034

	Your 10/24 cartoon accurately illustrates public sentiment toward Jimmy Swaggart.  "He's a fake," or "He's pretending to be sorry to protect his money-making scam," or "He wants to pick up more prostitutes while spending money from the suckers that send it to him," are typical comments that I hear.  But before we dismiss him as a greedy, lustful hypocrite, let's see where all the rest of us fit in.

	Long ago a similar tragedy happened to a great religious leader.  King David murdered his friend and stole his wife.  When God's messenger, Nathan, confronted the king, the Bible says that David genuinely repented and God forgave him.  Then, Nathan told David: "By this deed you have given opportunity to the enemies of the Lord to show contempt" (II Samuel 12:14).

	The "enemies of the Lord" rejoiced over David's fall.  Why?  Because if a man of God could commit such an atrocity, why should anyone feel accountable to God?

	Today also, many of us prefer nonaccountability to God.  But Swaggart's sermons would make us feel uncomfortable if we were living a life apart from the influence of Jesus Christ.  Because we judge the message by the messenger, his disgrace makes us feel better again.  But to keep feeling good, it's important that Jimmy's repentance is a fake.

	We criticize the man because he openly repents and continues unchanged.  Yet we have more pity and less contempt for the alcoholic who laments the destruction of his own life and the hurt that he caused family and friends, yet who drinks again.  Why the double-standard? Because the alcoholic does not say things that bother our conscience.

	Is Swaggart's sorrow is due to the shame he brought on himself, his family, friends, ministry and its supporters, and his God?; or due to the millions of souls that may reject God because of his foolish example?  No, we prefer to believe it's due just to his own personal loss.

	No defense for Swaggart is intended.  His resignation is long overdue.  But after he's gone, then perhaps we'll see our own motives more clearly.

	72. Sports Trivia

The following trivia questions relate to sports. Most of them are my own creation. But I also include others that have intrigued me in the past.Name the year and the player from the Philadelphia As that won rookie of the year.  Harry Byrd in 1953.

	•	Name an AL rookie of the year that later played with the Phillies.  Roy Sievers.

	•	The following questions relate to NFL football helmets:

	•	What two teams have a picture of a helmet on their helmets? Dolphins, Raiders

	•	What four teams have a picture of a human face on their helmets? Redskins, Raiders, Patriots, Buccaneers

	•	What five teams have a their city's initials on their helmet? Bears, Packers, Broncos, 49ers, Chiefs

	•	What three teams spell out their team name on their helmet? Giants, Jets, Raiders

	•	The Browns are the only NFL team that have no insignia on their helmets. Name another NFL team that has their insignia on just one side of the helmet.  Pittsburgh Steelers.

	•	What team has a flower on its helmet? Saints (A fleur-de-lis is an iris.)

	•	What two teams have one or more detached feathers (not part of a bird)on their helmets? Redskins, Buccaneers

	•	Who are the two 76er players that were the team scoring leaders for only one season? George McGinness (1976) and Hal Greer (1964).

	•	Name seven baseball players who played with the Phillies in the 70s, who later became managers of a major league team. Pete Rose, Larry Bowa, Jim Essian, Johnny Oates, Doc Edwards, John Vukovich, Dave Johnson.

	•	Name the only three MLB players that have won the won the World Series MVP honors more than once. Sandy Koufax ('63, '65), Bob Gibson ('64, '67), Reggie Jackson ('73, '77).

	•	In the first 14 years after the World Series MVP was first awarded (1955 to 1968), only two MVPs were non-pitchers. Who were they? Bobby Richardson ('60) and Frank Robinson ('66)

	•	What year was it and who were the three players that shared the World Series MVP honors? 1981: Ron Cey, Pedro Guerrero, Steve Yeager

	•	Who was the only 3-time winner of the NFL coach of the year? Don Shula ('64, '67, '68)

	•	Name three NFL MVPs who won the honor before they were an Eagle, while they were an Eagle, and after they were an Eagle. Roman Gabriel ('69), Norm Van Brocklin ("60), and Mark Moseley ("82)

	•	Name the only four NFL MVPs who were defensive players. Gino Marchetti ("58), Joe Schmit ("60), Alan Page ("71), Lawrence Taylor ("86)

	•	Name four National League MVPs who won the honor before they were a Phillie, while they were a Phillie (2 players), and after they were a Phillie. Dale Murphy ('69); Jim Konstanty ('50) and Mike Schmitt ('80, '81, '86); Ryne Sandberg ("84)

	•	Who was the only pitcher to win three consecutive Cy Young honors? Sandy Koufax ('63, '64, '65).

	•	Who was the only Cy Young winner who didn't have a winning record. Bruce Sutter ('79).

	•	Who were the only two NL rookies of the year from the Phillies? Richie Allen ('64) and Jack Sanford ('57).

	73. Movie Trivia

My trivia questions that come from the world of cinema include:

	•	Name two animals in the Walt Disney movie, Bambi, whose names are Bambi. The deer (the title role) and the son of Flower, the skunk. If you don't believe it, forward your videotape until there are two minutes of movie left (just before Bambi's twins are born.)

	•	In the Wizard of Oz, ...(The answers that are marked by an asterisk [*] correspond to questions that BJ originated.]

	•	What is Dorothy's last name? Gale*. (I don/'t know how it's spelled.)

	•	Who is the blood relative of Dorothy? Auntie Em or Uncle Henry? Uncle Henry (Their names are Gale also.)

	•	What is the name of Professor Marvel's horse? Silver*

	•	What is the name of the good witch from the north? Glynda*

	•	What is the name of the bad woman who wants to take away Toto? Elvira Gulch

	•	Here's my trivia from The Little Mermaid:

	•	Name any one of Ariel's sisters. Arista and Contrina are two of the six names.

	•	What is the name of Eric's dog? Max

	•	What is the name of Eric's older friend? Grimsby

	•	What are the names of Ursula's two helpers? Flotsam and Jetsam

	•	How old is Ariel? 16

	•	What is the name of the French cook? Louie

	•	What is Sebastian's first name? Horatio

	•	What friendly insult does Ariel call Flounder? Guppy

	•	What is Grimsby doing when we first see him in the movie? Throwing up.

	•	Do you recall, in Field of Dreams, ...

	•	What movie was Karen watching on TV; who had the starring role in that movie? Harvey (a story about an invisible 6-foot rabbit); Jimmy Stewart

	•	A very famous movie, to which the mother referred; not by name, but by mentioning a key word in that movie. Citizen Kane (Rosebud)

	•	What year this movie was produced, and how do we know that? 1988. A ball player told Ray that he died in 1970; since then he's gone 18 years without a smoke.

	•	Questions from Disney's Beauty and the Beast:

	•	What is the name of Belle's conceited boyfriend? Gaston

	•	What is the name of Belle's horse? Phillippe

	•	What is the name of Belle's father? Maurice

	•	What country is the setting for this movie? Who says so? France; Lumiere, the candlestick holder.

	74. Some Bovine Talk

The word "horse" includes a set of several words, some of which are "mare", "foal", "filly", etc., as well as the plural form "horses". What's my point? Well, consider this set of words: "cow", "bull", "calf", and the plural "cattle". What is the singular generic word (the peer word for horse) that describes any member of this animal family?

Having consulted with Mr. Webster on this matter, I discovered that "cow" is also the generic word for the entire species. Is this the only instance in which the entire population is identified by the feminine, rather than the masculine, name?

	75. It was me

Kathy, do you remember that Cabbage Patch doll that Tabitha got for Christmas many years ago? Do you remember that there was no indication of the giver? For reasons that I no longer recall, you assumed that Mike and Tracy Johnson gave it to her.

Actually, Hon, it was me. In Shoppers' Guide, I found someone that was selling new CB dolls back when the stores never had them. I wrapped it and hid it in the van. Then I wrote the note that explained where the present could be found and put it in the door.

Maybe I should have waited until we are with Jesus before I tell you this, but I thought you might want to know before then. If Jesus wants it that way, He'll let you find this message.

	76. Long Shots

This entry will describe all the incidents that have occurred in our lives. However, I can only think of one so far. (Until I think of another, I hope that the spirit of my wonderful, but departed, high school English teacher, Mrs. Ricketts, will not be too upset that I subdivide an entry into one sub entry.)

	•	September 1991. Like other years Kathy and I took my mother out to dinner for her birthday. This year we went to the Pirate's Inn. By coincidence, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy, Sue Barben's parents, were dining at a nearby table with another couple. We made eye contact with the Murphys at the same moment that my mother made unexpected eye contact with two other people in the restaurant that she had known for several years. Those two other people just happened to be the couple that were with the Murphys. My mother didn't know the Murphys and Kathy and I didn't know the couple with the Murphys. A remarkable circumstance!

	77. Moses, not Grover!

For years I had assumed that Cleveland, Ohio derived its name from Grover Cleveland, who was our 22nd and 24th president. But then I realized that Cleveland, the man, died in 1908, and surely the city was founded and named long before then. Was the city's name changed in his honor?

After a little research, I discovered that city was named after Moses Cleaveland, an explorer and surveyor of that region in the late 1700s. The 'a' was dropped for the city name, however.

	78. Measuring Foot Speed

The Olympic 100-yard dash is not an accurate indicator of the world's fastest human, because so much of the race depends upon the runner's reaction time out of the blocks. Frequently, a faster runner needs at least 100 yards if not more to catch a slower runner with better reflexes.

Instead, why not measure a runner's speed between two markers that are placed 10 yards apart. Each runner can have as much time and distance as necessary to develop his maximum speed. When he crosses the first marker at full speed, a clock starts. The clock stops 10 yards later at the second marker. The runner's speed is computed.

	79. Hotheads

The left side of my head radiates more heat than the right side. How do I know? When I ride my bike to work on a cold day, more condensation collects on the left lens of my glasses than the right lens.

	80. Prove it!

On 1/7/93 I opened a bandaid package to cover a cut on my thumb. Then I noticed an interesting message on the package, which said, "STERILITY GUARANTEED UNLESS OPENED." Now there's a promise that's hard to refute! That's like holding up a red flag and announcing, "I GUARANTEE THAT THIS IS A BLUE FLAG UNLESS YOU LOOK AT IT!"

	81. Children by the Pound

On 1/17/93, at the birthday party for Kathy and Joe, I decided to go upstairs to bring down the bathroom scale. I proceeded to weigh all the grandchildren. What did I discover? Simply that Kathy and I have more children than Debbie and Al. Oh Really? Sure! A&D had 309 pounds of children, while Kathy and I had 425 pounds of children.

	82. Randumb Facts

	•	The full name of the victorious general of the Third Punic War was Publius Cornelius Scipio Amelianus Africanus Minor.

	•	A lunation, which is 29 days, 12 hours, 44 minutes, and 2.8 seconds, is the average interval between new moons. But why is this interval not equal to 365.25 divided by 12? The answer, I suppose, is that a solar year does not consist of exactly 12 lunations.

	•	That whitish crescent-shaped area at the base of your fingernail actually has a name. It's called a lunule.

	•	That fold of skin between the base of your nose and the center of your upper lip also has a name. It's called the philtrum.

	83. Brain Cramps

April 28, 1993 was the day when I finally realized that my brain does not operate properly. Here's how I arrived at this momentous conclusion.

On this day I dropped off the car at McComas to repair some wheel noise. Because this purple dinosaur is old and ugly, I told them, "Be sure to call me if the expected bill will be more than $50."

As I pedaled away on my 10-speed to work, I thought to myself, "I'll be at my desk all day long; so I can receive their call if and when they need to contact me." Before I arrived at work I remembered that I had a meeting from 10 AM to 12 noon. The conflict had not occurred to me.

As I sat at my desk, I had the mildly comfortable feeling that I would be next to my phone all day, while I was preparing for my 10 AM meeting. Several times my mind bounced between these two obviously irreconcilable plans:

	•	I'll be at my desk all day to receive any calls from my mechanic.

	•	I'm preparing for my upcoming meeting in the conference room.

Not until Ben broke into my meeting at about 10:20 to tell me that my mechanic called did I realize that I wasn't in two places simultaneously.

	84. PSI

I suspect that God is telling me to write another book. This book will be about my daughter Tabitha, autism, how Jesus has helped us, how Satan has tempted us, and the lives of other employees of Pulverizing Services Incorporated (PSI) and their children.

If that television documentary that someone at work told me about in February '93 is true, then I may have a story also. That documentary was about a town in Massachusetts in which the children had a high rate of autistically related problems. Apparently, a chemical processing company had been located in this town. Many of the town's residents were employees there. While the employees themselves did not seem to suffer any adverse effects from their employment at this company, their yet-to-be-born children did.

I have been wondering if the children of my coworkers at PSI have similar symptoms. If so, I want to proceed with my investigation.

	85. The Universal Average Value

Of all the numbers that have ever been used to give meaning to any measurable quantity, have you ever wondered what is the average number? Well, I have. And it's time that I figured out what that number is. Here's how I'll do it.

I will accumulate 100 random and discrete values. Then I will arrange them in numeric sequence. I will discard the 25 highest numbers and the 25 lowest numbers and average the rest. The result will be my universal average.

So, let us begin:

	•	0 digits

	•	1 channel

	•	2 scriptures

	•	3 years

	•	4 chapters

	•	4 days

	•	5 dollars

	•	7 pages

	•	8.5 percent

	•	11 links

	•	14 verses

	•	14 things

	•	14 percent

	•	15 of May 1993

	•	16 years

	•	27 minutes after noon

	•	32 RBIs

	•	50 percent

	•	100 milliseconds

	•	200 dollars

Keep your eye on this spot for further details on this important subject. As of today (9/22/93), the universal average number is 13.72.

	86. More Ultimate Baseball

Suppose baseball had an ultimate hitter. Such a phenom would homer every pitch in the strike zone and never touch any pitch that didn't. As the season begins, he would quickly lead the league in all phases of hitting.

However, pitchers aren't stupid. They would soon learn that it's much less costly to give him a free pass to first, even when the bases are loaded, than attempt to get him out.

So he spends the entire summer trotting to first base. Because a walk is not considered an at bat, he ends the season with a 1.000 average, 20 at bats, 20 home runs, and 50 RBIs. These are hardly MVP numbers.

	87. Another Heads-Up Play!

I need an official baseball rule book to answer this one.

Suppose the count is two balls and two strikes and first base is empty. The next pitch is so wild that the catcher can't even touch it as it rolls all the way to the backstop.

When the batter sees that the pitch got by the catcher, he deliberately swings late and runs to first base. He then explains to the first base umpire that he struck out, the catcher didn't hold the third strike, and he took first base.

	88. Belted!

Today (September 1, 1993) was the first day that I ever wore a belt with pants that have no belt loops.

	89. Tell Him His Name is Wrong!

Yesterday (9/12/93) I watched the Eagles beat the Green Bay Packers 20-17. Although the game was exciting, one little matter caught my interest.

The Packer quarterback was a fine football player by the name of Bret Favre. Throughout the telecast, the announcers pronounced his name as "Farve". Although I know of many words that don't pronounce the way they spell, I do not recall any other word that pronounces as if two consonants were reversed.

	90. Rhymes with Tools?

Well it's the day after Christmas 1996. Cherish got a new bunny. Some of the names that we were considering were Raisin, Lucky (like the puppy in 101 Dalmatians), Moustache (she has one), Moosey (a contraction of moustache), Terry (Kathy's contraction of Tabitha, Cherish, and Barry),  and Bertha (my contraction of the same).

Finally, we decided to let the bunny name herself. How did we do that? We opened a new file on the computer and put her next to the keyboard. (Cherish was delighted with this idea.) After a brief wait, it typed out...

oooooooolz

Hey, what could be easier?

	91. Forcible Redistribution

I'm too lazy to write this story myself. But I might enjoy reading or watching the movie about how the world would react if ultimate Communism were to be enacted into law at some future date. At that time all worldly wealth would be placed in a pool and then each member of this world would receive an equal portion. How would each of us conduct our daily financial affairs as that day approaches?

	92.   Hiding Scripture in my Text?

At Janice's eighth birthday party, which was held on 10/3/93, Joe presented a puzzle in which 16 books of the Bible were hidden in a paragraph. I was so intrigued by this challenge that I created my own hidden Bible book challenge. There are 16 more books of God's Word hidden in the following nonsense.

The answers are given somewhere in the book that you are holding. I would tell you where but, why ruin the challenge?

Not satisfied with hiding scripture in a paragraph, I've also hidden the full first names of all 12 of the cousins (Alex, April, Barry, Benjamin, Cherish, Elizabeth, Janice, Kaitlin, Michael, Rebekah, Tabitha, and Timothy) in the following text: (But, be warned, if you don't read these instructions carefully, you will think you solved the puzzle when you really haven't).

	My teacher is here because the ozone wants to be seismic. Ha! Elect the New York Vitamins, who want to be NJ Amino Acids. Ben told AJ a nice fox trap riles the tiger with equal excuses.

	Can you prove RBS stands for Rambling Bowel Syndrome?

	Set my Rolex!, O dust! When her face was numb, ersatz faces saw Jud. Even Inez rattles her cage while she ships alms overseas.

	Joe likes to format the white sedan I elevated yesterday.

	Although Greta bit Hans while dumping the Vodka, it lingers ubiquitously.

	While raining on Hannah, umbrellas chose a blind horse.

	Although most Hawaiian witch doctors won't say so, there be kahunas that still ululate at the moon.

	The Senior Prom answered suspicions that Patti Moth yearns to crawl again.

	In the city of Delphi, lemons are so bad!; I, a headwaiter, recycle addlepated lemons.

	Far from the Linear Intergalactic Zone (LIZ), Abe thanks Mr. Stroehmann who tried to bar rye bread from bovine communion.

	Creating word puzzles is in my genes. Is that OK?

	93. Basic Nonsense

After following that self-teaching course on BASIC programming language on our Commodore Computer, I decided to use my new skills to invent a game. This game allows up to eight players to compete in a game in which the computer picks numbers at random. The player whose number is most often selected wins. The computer provides an ongoing tally, thereby creating a measure of excitement.

I am recording the code here in case the diskette on which I am storing the program becomes lost or damaged.

3    PRINT "clear screen" 4    PRINT:PRINT:PRINT:PRINT:PRINT:PRINT:PRINT:PRINT:PRINT: 5    PRINT "This is a game that selects a" 6    PRINT "winner by letting the computer" 7    PRINT pick random numbers." 8    PRINT 10    PRINT "How many players? (1 to 8)" 20    INPUT x 30    FOR B = 1 to x 40    PRINT "Enter name of player"B 50    IF B = 1 THEN INPUT A$ 60    IF B = 2 THEN INPUT B$ 70    IF B = 3 THEN INPUT C$ 80    IF B = 4 THEN INPUT D$ 90    IF B = 5 THEN INPUT E$ 100    IF B = 6 THEN INPUT F$ 110    IF B = 7 THEN INPUT G$ 120    IF B = 8 THEN INPUT H$ 130    NEXT B 133    PRINT "How many points win?" 137    INPUT F 139    REM Set array for each player 140    FOR D = 1 to x 150    LET A(D) = 0 160    NEXT D 170    PRINT "Play (f)ast or (s)low?" 175    INPUT J$ 177    LET J = 1 180    IF J$ = "s" THEN J = 1000 250    LET C = INT(x*RND(1))=1 300    IF C = 1 THEN PRINT A$;A(1) 350    IF C = 2 THEN PRINT B$;A(2) 400    IF C = 3 THEN PRINT C$;A(3) 410    IF C = 4 THEN PRINT D$;A(4) 420    IF C = 5 THEN PRINT E$;A(5) 430    IF C = 6 THEN PRINT F$;A(6) 440    IF C = 7 THEN PRINT G$;A(7) 450    IF C = 8 THEN PRINT H$;A(8) 500    LET A(C) = A(C)+1 510    FOR E = 1 to J 520    NEXT E 530    IF A(C) = F+1 THEN PRINT "Play again?" 535    IF A(C) = F+1 THEN GOTO 555 550    GOTO 250 555    INPUT I$ 560    IF I$ = "Yes" THEN GOTO 133 570    IF I$ = "No" THEN END

	94. Scenarios

Here's a few fictional circumstances:

	•	Suppose Steve Martin were playing the part of a bumbling veterinarian's assistant. Although the waiting room is filled with pets (especially cats), each animal is calmly sitting on their owner's laps. At that moment Steve Martin decides to vacuum the rug in the waiting room. Imagine the confusion that follows as each cat is frantically clawing for a spot on top of the curtains, which causes the dogs to bark, howl and run around excitedly.

	•	It's early on a weekday morning. I'm not yet fully awake as I reach for a breakfast cereal box on the refrigerator. I grab the milk, the sugar bowl, and a banana and prepare my cereal. As I enjoy my first few bites, my eyes fall on the reverse side of the cereal box, where I see a marketing phrase, "...fortified with all the important vitamins, minerals, and proteins for your growing young kitten...".

	•	Suppose Bart Simpson's parents took him to the doctor because Bart said, "It hurts when I crap!" The doctor runs some tests and instructs Homer to get Bart a stool specimen analysis kit from the drug store. So Homer does, and then Bart does. But before Homer can bring the results back to the doctor, Bart takes the entire kit, specimens, and results to school for his science fair project.

	95. Anagrams

When I was a young teen, I entered a contest on the radio. The winner was the one who could send in a list of the most words that could be made from the letters in Pepsi-Cola, who was the sponsor. Well, I didn't win, but, to the best of my knowledge, I entered the only 9-letter word that was composed of each of the nine letters in Pepsi-Cola.

Oh! You want me to tell you what it is?! Never! I worked many long hours to find this word. And you want me to just tell you?! Why, wild horses couldn't drag it out of me! I won't relent even to the pleadings of my own mother, wife, children, or pastor, whether he be Baptist, Lutheran, or Episcopal!

	96. Miling

Ever since September 5, 1993 when Noureddine Morceli of Algeria set the new mile record at 3 minutes and 44.39 seconds, I've been wondering, like many track fans do when new records are set, what the fastest possible time for the mile will ever be. I gun-decked my own estimate by plotting all the world record times since Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile in 1954. Although I seem to have lost the graph, eyeball extrapolation saw the curve level out at 3:35 in about 75 years.

97. Water

This entry is not intended to be an interesting one, but a practical one. I have no chapter in this book for down-to-earth family expense planning. But every family needs to do it and then save the results for future reference. Until I've accumulated enough of these to make a new chapter, I guess I'll keep them here.

Today's entry is about the family water/sewer bill.

On or about 1/15/94, I received a monster water & sewer bill. It said that we consumed 38,700 gallons of water from 10/1/93 to 12/31/93, and, by using the applicable water rate RW1-A-001, we owed Maple Shade $287.64.

Well, that number seemed remarkable. Kathy says that we should check for leaks and replace our current toilets with the modern type that use only 1.6 gallons of water.

On Friday 2/4/94, the house was empty for an hour and a half. I checked the water meter before we left and as soon as we returned. During this time 1.8 gallons had been leaking somewhere. This means that we lose 28.8 gallons per day or 2650 gallons per quarter. In money, this equals about $10 of the $287 bill.

So I checked out the toilets and I found that our downstairs toilet uses 4.5 gallons per flush; nearly 3 gallons more than the modern toilets. How often do we flush the toilets? I guess 15 times a day; more with visitors; less without. This means that 45 gallons a day are wasted on our current downstairs throne; or 4140 gallons per quarter; about $17 of the bill. If we were to replace the bottom can, it would pay for itself in about 9 months. (On sale at Hechingers for $50.) And I'll guess that replacement of the upstairs toilet would save about $10 per quarter.

All cost estimates are based upon that schedule RW1-A-001. I had called to find out what that schedule is, and Judy, the nice lady at the water department told me the following:

	•	1st 5000 gallons:            $15

	•	next 15000 gallons            $3 per 1000 gallons

	•	next 20000 gallons            $3.60 per 1000 gallons

	•	over that                $4 per 1000 gallons

The sewer rate is the same, except for the top line:

	•	1st 5000 gallons            $48

Then I asked Judy what she thought would be the typical usage for a family of five. She said that she didn't know, but that her family, which also consists of five persons, are heavy water consumers. How heavy? Oh between 25,000 to 30,000 gallons per quarter.

Now I'm starting a water conservation crusade. I hope to cut back from 421 gallons per day (38,700 gallons divided by 92). Be sure to pray for us!

	98. I Didn't Know That

Hey, I'm 46 years old. At this time in my life, I like to think that I have a good general knowledge about nearly every subject. But, occasionally...no, not so occasionally, maybe even frequently, I learn something of what I would call surprising simplicity. I wonder why I hadn't known it for years.

Here are some examples, (I include some empty numbers to accommodate new knowledge.)

	•	Cats don't chew their food. Their teeth actually slice it up. (I learned this in Cherish's nursery book.

	•	The second letter in the word ridiculous is not e. (Although I did know that the second letter in ridicule is I.)

	•	I always thought that the word sherbert had two r's in it and that it rhymed with Herbert. Wrong! It's spelled sherbet, and it rhymes with...well, snerbet.

	•	On 7/12/96, I heard a TV reporter describe Hurricane Bertha as tornadic, which means pertaining to a tornado. This seems like it should be a rather common word, yet I had never heard it spoken or written before, anywhere.

	•	What kind of temperment do you have? Well, I like to think that I have a kind, gentle, patient temperment. Unfortunately, I've never spelled it correctly. It's really temperament, and pronounced as if the second e, not the a, were missing - tem-pra-ment. Now I know.

	•	I think an au pair is a governess. That's who Louise Woodward is, the British teenager who was accused and convicted of killing an 8-month old boy. But I never heard that word before. Neither has Mr. Webster; it's not in his New World Dictionary.

	99. It's a Wonderful Christmas Eve!

I'm looking forward to the next snowy Christmas Eve evening. When that happens, here's what I want to do. (I may not have the courage to follow through, but I have fun thinking about it.)

1. Stop shaving at least two days before Christmas. (This will help me to have an unkempt scrufty look. (For me, that shouldn't be hard.)

2. At about 6 PM I put on some ripped and dirty clothes.

3. I leave the house looking like a bum and drive to the custard stand on Main Street, where I park the car.

4. From there, I walk to Immanual Baptist Church. (As I arrive at the church, the dark sky should be snowing heavily, and snow should be laying on the ground, streets, and sidewalks.)

5. Now I'm ready. I start running wildly from IBC back to the custard stand.

6. As I pass the bank, I yell out, "Merry Christmas, Bank"!

7. As I pass Charlie Brown's restaurant, I yell out, "Merry Christmas, Restaurant"!

8. As I pass the post office, I yell out, "Merry Christmas, Post Office"!

9. As I pass the town clock, I yell out, "Merry Christmas, clock"!

10. I do the same with the drug store, Acme, tailor shop, and any other landmarks that I pass along the way.

11. If I pass a grumpy old man along the way, I'll stop, shake his hand, and say, "Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter"!

12. When I arrive at the car, I get in quickly and drive home, before anyone realizes that I'm not really Jimmy Stewart.

	100. About the Flintstones

Back in the early 60s I would watch the Flintstones every Friday night. Although I enjoyed the program very much, this show always left me with two questions. First, was there an intended similarity between the voices of both Fred and Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) of the Honeymooners? Also between Barney and Ed Norton (Art Carney)? In fact, there was also a similarity between  the voices of Wilma and Betty and Alice and Trixie as well. Some day I'll remember to check credits at the end of the show.

My second question is the show's theme song, which goes like this:

	Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, There the modern stone-age family

	From the town of Bedrock, there a place right out of history.

	Let's ride with the family down the street

	through the courtesy of prezzo-pete.

	When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba dabba doo time ...

	etc.

My question is found in line four. What, or who, is prezzo-pete? (The spelling is mine, based upon how the lyrics sound to me.) How is prezzo-pete responsible for bringing us this program?

This was the original song. But after the first year or two of broadcast, line four disappeared. The new theme song didn't have replacement lyrics for line four. As a result, the new song always sounded awkward to me when lines three and five were simply pushed together without any regard to the song's meter.

For years, my guess was that prezzo-pete was an abbreviation of the name of the president of the television company that originally produced the Flinstones. "President Oliver Peterson" perhaps.

But that theory was challenged recently when the Flinstone movie was released. The movie used the original theme song (with line four). Unless the movie producer hired "Oliver Peterson" as a consultant (which is possible), these words would make no sense if my previous guess is correct.

On 1/12/98 Scott Greenwood informed me that presso-pete is "Fred's two feet". That settles one question.

	101. Help me Name Them!

On one of our Walt Disney movie video cassettes I heard that "The Lion King" is Disney's 32nd all animated full-length movie. I have never seen a list of all 32, however. Here's my attempt to name them all in their proper chronological sequence:

1. Snow White* 17. Sword in the Stone 2. Fantasia 18. Oliver and Company 3. 19. 101 Dalmatians 4. 20. Aristocats* 5. 21. The Jungle Book 6. Pinnocchio 22. 7. Bambi 23. Robin Hood 8. 24.The Black Cauldron* 9. Dumbo 25. The Fox and the Hound* 10. 26. The Rescuers 11. Peter Pan 27. The Rescuers Down Under 12. 28. The Great Mouse Detective 13. Cinderella 29.The Little Mermaid* 14. Alice in Wonderland 30. Beauty and the Beast* 15. Lady and the Tramp* 31. Alladin* 16. Sleeping Beauty 32. The Lion King* * Confirmed as the proper location in the numeric sequence.

Are there some movies that do not count? For example, "The Return of Jafar" is a sequel to Alladin that is available on video cassette only. Apparently, this one doesn't count, because "Alladin" is number 31, and "The Lion King" is number 32, and "Return" was released between them. Does Fantasia count? After all, there was a non-animated picture of Philadelphia Orchestra's Leopold Stokowsky shaking hands with Mickey.

	102. Defining Pornography

Although I feel somewhat embarrassed to admit this, I guess that the openness that I have established so far in this document demands openness now. You see, there is an issue on which I agree with some of the world's most renowned pornographers. Nearly every smut peddler defends his profession by asking "What's the difference between what I publish and sell and what the general public can respectably view at any art museum?" Although I felt that this was a rather shallow excuse, I never had a very good answer, either.

Well, the front page of the 1/29/95 Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer confirmed this dilemma very clearly. There, covering nearly all of the top half of the cover page was a photograph with the title, "The Barnes Show: A Brush with Greatness". Below the photo was the caption, "From Cezanne to Matisse, the Barnes Foundation exhibit. The show, which opens to the public Tuesday, includes Matisse's The Joy of Life and Renoir's After the Bath and Bather and Maid".

The photo itself showed these three paintings. Because the artistic skill of these famous painters is comparable to the detail of modern photography, all of these paintings could easily arouse feelings of sexual restlessness within any red-blooded male.

I question the motives of the Philadelphia Art Museum, the Barnes Foundation, and the Philadelphia Inquirer. Why were these three paintings selected for the front page? Deep within the Inquirer was a photo of several other paintings, which consisted of landscapes, still life, as well as fully-clothed people. I'm getting the message that we need to use sex to promote attendance - a similar motive used by the local adult shop.

Perhaps what I'm saying is this: The true measure of pornography is the response it creates in the viewer. Let's face it; if a painting actually causes a greater flow of testosterone in a typical male bloodstream than a photo with similar content, why do we defend the painting and condemn the photo?

One final thought. I suppose that many local schools will bring their students to this exhibition. Will these students see the entire exhibition? If not, is the  reason similar to why we don't want our children to view those magazines wrapped in plastic envelopes behind the convenience store counter? If so, is that reason simply because we want to enjoy certain destructive pleasures, like tobacco and alcohol, from which we hypocritically want to protect our children?

	103. Our Song

There have been several songs that I have sung to you, Kathy. In these I have attempted to convey the thoughts and feelings that I have for you and our relationship. These songs have "Let me be your wings" (the theme song from Thumbellina), "If you ever leave me", and many others.

But there is one song beyond all others that I have wanted to sing to you, Kathy. Whenever I hear it on the radio, I try to listen to the words but I can't remember them. So, if you ever hear the song "I'll never find another you" by a group called the New Seekers, just pretend that it's me next to you, looking in your eyes, smiling, with my arm around you, singing just to you.

	104. Patterns in Death

Every one over the ago of 40 remembers Friday, November 22, 1963, because that is the day of President John F. Kennedy's death. I remember reading all about the details when I read the evening Bulletin after I got home from school. I also remember thinking that there could be nothing else of any importance happening in the world.

But after passing through enough pages, I finally found other stories. When I came to the obituary column, I noticed that a world famous author, Aldous Huxley, had also died today. I bet that me and the author of his obituary were the only people in the world who knew about Huxley's departure.

Today (2/10/95), over 30 years later, I discovered that, remarkably enough, another world famous author died on 11/22/63. He was none other than C.S. Lewis, renowned Christian author.

	105. "This Tuna Helper tastes funny"

I've noticed that tuna fish and cat food both come in those small (i.e., 3.375-inch round by 1.625-inch high) 6.5-ounce cans. We make the mistake of storing them in adjacent cabinets in the kitchen. I say mistake because someday it is certain that we will inadvertently make a Little Friskies casserole.

	106. "Dad, what is a Shrewsbury?"

A shrewsbury, children, is (to the uninformed) a sandwich. Why do I call it that name? Well, several hundred years ago there lived a British nobleman by the title of the Earl of Sandwich. He was a ferocious gambler. So much so that he instructed his cook to devise a meal that he could eat while he was gambling. (He didn't want to waste time on non-essentials.)

His resourceful cook came up with a piece of meat between two slices of bread. The Earl loved it and the rest was history.

Incorrect history, however. It seems that historians have recently discovered that it wasn't the Earl of Sandwich at all; it was the Earl of Shrewsbury! Knowing this, I know that you will want to join me in the effort to correct this serious historical error.

	107.   Dreaming of the Best

This entry may seem just a bit arrogant of me. And if it does seem that way, ...well, ... tough. There are four games at which I consider myself to be rather accomplished. They are pool, ping pong, chess, and basketball one-on-one. Now there are many who can beat me at any one of these games, but I suspect that there are very few that could beat me at an overall contest of these four games; fewer still who could beat me at all four.

But how well would I do at such a contest? This is my attempt to answer that question. Well, I estimate that I win 95% of the chess games that I play. I win only 90% of my ping pong games, 95% of my hoops, and 95% of my games on the big felted table.

These numbers mean that I'm in the 95th percentile of all those who play chess, pool, and roundball, and in the 90th percentile of all those who play pong.

Next, I'm going to guess that only 25% of the world's population have played any one of these games. So, I will assume that all matches that I have played in any of these games are with the upper 25%, which makes sense since the other 75% never played.

This means that I'm in the 97.5 percentile in ping pong, and the 98.75 percentile in the other three when including the entire population of the globe. This means that the odds of anyone holding their own with me in a contest is 1/80 x 1/80 or 1 in 6400. The odds of anyone beating me in all four are 1 in 20,480,000. Assuming a population of 200,000,000, only 10 people in the U.S. could get a sweep on me!

Oh, by the way, I would add a fifth activity to this list, which is Bible memorization. I'll guess that I know more verses than at least 99% of all Christians, which might translate to 99.9% of everyone.

Adding this factor to the other four makes me one in 20 billion. This means that chances are that no one on earth can beat me in all five.

And if that's not enough, I'm one in 400 billion if we include parking direction and name length. (See entry #7.)

Finally, I'm the only one I have ever met that can touch the end of his nose with the tip of his tongue. (I can't even factor this one in yet.)

	108. Celluloid Rental

Since the arrival of VCRs and Camcorders, the video rental business has been doing rather well. But what I would like to know is why wasn't there a booming movie rental business before? Why couldn't people rent or buy projection movies for viewing on their home movie projectors? Especially since camera film is more difficult to duplicate than videotape!

	109.   More Exploration of the Past.

I'll guess it was Wednesday, April 12, 1995, while I was riding home from my job in Bridgewater, NJ, that I was listening to Dr. James Dobson's radio program on WAWZ. He said that recent medical research has shown that when an electrical probe touches various parts of exposed brain tissue, the patient relives various episodes from his/her past. Although I don't recall Dr. Dobson saying so, I inferred that the patient would re-experience events that were long forgotten by the conscious mind.

I suppose that more research will happen in this area. I hope so. Imagine how helpful this "artificial memory" would be in the areas of law and history, for example. Consider also #119.

	110. How to Improve Mrs. Doubtfire

Of course your remember the movie, Mrs. Doubtfire. Robin Williams was remarkably funny in the title role.

But I had one basic misgiving about this movie; a misgiving that slightly undermined its credibility, at least for me. You see, no one in that movie recognized the dad when he was dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire. I thought the similarity was quite obvious. When Sally Field, the mom, came face-to-face with this fact at the restaurant, her response was, "You mean, all this time?; All this time?" That's what I thought. Even after all this time you didn't recognize him?

But then, I had the unfair advantage of knowing about Mrs. Doubtfire as the story developed, and Sally Field's character did not. Maybe I could recognize Robin Williams' character simply because I did watch the cosmetic transformation near the beginning of the story.

I've been intrigued by the thought of how the audience would react if the movie were changed in a rather small way. Suppose that we didn't know about Mrs. Doubtfire's real identity, at least not officially, until the mom herself found out. Instead of showing the dad's complete plan of deception, what if this plan were only vaguely hinted? When the children discover their governess' true identity, let the viewers have a small clue, but not the full answer.

Some movie watchers would be just as surprised as the mom at the restaurant. For them, wouldn't the movie be much more enjoyable? Even those who recognize Mrs. Doubtfire right away would have a greater thrill as the story approaches its climax.

Well if God ever allows me to be a movie director, you know what you're in for.

	111. An Academic Pursuit of the "A's"

While pushing a cart in Shop N' Bag recently, my interest became renewed in a rather unusual library that I had started long ago. I saw the ad at the end of the aisle, which said, "Buy Volume 1 of the Grolier Encyclopedia for nine cents, and then buy each of the remaining volumes for just $2.99 per volume.

So I bought the first volume, without the slightest intent of purchasing any more volumes. I decided right then and there that I was to become an expert on topics that begin with the letter A. After all, I had several other volume 1's at home. Some volumes are for specialized topics, like volume 1 of the Encyclopedia of Gardening, volume 1 of the Encyclopedia of Literature, ditto for American History, etc.

In this age of specialization, I'm grateful to Shop N' Bag and Grolier as well as many other merchants and publishers for helping me to find my life's academic pursuit.

Inside Volume 1's cover there was a little brochure with a message that wanted me to buy more volumes. It's closing argument was, "Knowledge doesn't stop with the letter A, so why should you"?

My two answers:

	•	Economic expediency

	•	The thrill of pioneering a unique approach to human knowledge.

	112. A Low-Impact Coincidence

Perhaps I'm trying to hard to drum up entries for this chapter, but today, 9/19/95, I had to call a doctor's office to confirm an appointment for Kathy and then call a restaurant to ask about a lunch special that they advertised for $1.99.

Both phone numbers ended with 5005.

	113. And Another One

Now I'm convinced of it. (Yet this entry does have a certain measure of intrigue .)

Infrequently, I seen deer beside the road or crossing the road when I drive through wooded areas. Also, I have occasionally spotted hot air balloons drifting high above the earth.

But until today, Friday September 15, I have never seen both on the same trip. As I was riding home from INC along River Road, which is along the southern shore of the Raritan River, I saw a deer feeding near the road. Several miles later I was riding along Wertsville Road when I saw a large balloon above the road.

(And you thought I was going to say that I saw a deer in a balloon!)

	114. Leastfavorite?

Can anyone think of a word that means the opposite of favorite? Could it possibly be disfavorite? (I find disfavor, but not disfavorite in my lexicon.

As precise as the English language claims to be, it seems remarkable that no single word would define which of the three cookies on the dish, chocolate chip, oatmeal, or sandwich, is the one that pleases me the least.

So, to correct this flagrant oversight, I offer a new word that means least favorite. That word is ubungular. The awkward disconsonance of this word as it moves through the teeth makes it a perfect choice. It sounds like something ubungular.

	115. Misunderstandings

Why did the boss nun feel that Maria should stay away from a "Pondesand"? What is a Pondesand? Why is it dangerous? Why does Credence Clearwater Revival call our attention to a bathroom on the right? What does "discurd" mean? And why does Elton urge his listener not to do so? Why is there an occasional and peculiar "woop woop" sound when Diana sings about reflections?

	116. The funniest

The previous entry reminded me to enter some very important information about myself. Someone once commented that an accurate measure of a man is what he considers funny. So here is the name of the person who has made me laugh harder and longer than anyone else. It's Victor Borge.

	117. The Best Oldies

On Thanksgiving weekend of 1995, radio station WOGL (98.1 FM) played the 500 most popular oldies, which had been selected by voting listeners during the previous year.

No, I didn't record all 500. But I did write down the top 10, which are these:

10. Jail House Rock Elvis 5. Under the Boardwalk Drifters 9. Love Me Tender Elvis 4. Sugar Pie-Honey Pie 4 Tops 8. Hold Me Mel Carter 3. In the Still of the Night 5 Satins 7. Twist Chubby Checker 2. Unchained Melody Righteous Brothers 6. Runaround Sue Dion 1. My Girl Temptations

I fully agree with numbers 1, 2, 4, and 5. Because he's the king, Elvis had to have two in the top ten, although other songs of his were much better. Number 8 has an exciting style, but it doesn't "thrill me". Number 7 has high recognition, but less value. Number 6 is nice, but overrated.

Number 3 is the shocker. It's just an unimaginative do-wop song. But I suppose that different opinions make for a more interesting life.

	118. BF's Humor

To fully understand Barry Ford, it's important to know what he laughs at. Here's an example:

The Washington Post challenged its readers to send in ideas for useless products. The resulting list included:

	•	Silicone thigh implants

	•	Nuclear hand grenades

	•	Fire alarm with snooze bar

	•	Jarvik-7™ artificial appendix

	•	Inflatable dartboard

	•	Salted bandages

	•	Can opener-in-a-can

	•	Dyslexics' edition of Scrabble®

	•	Mobius strip toilet paper

	•	Lobster Helper

	•	Popeil® Pocket Wasp & Hornet Teaser

	•	Solar powered flashlight

	•	Ejection seats for helicopters

	•	A door bell that sounds like a barking dog

	119.   How to Forget

Entry #109 inspired this one.

If contact between our brain and an electric probe will cause us to remember our past, is it not reasonable to assume that this same technique could be used to allow us to forget? This has some powerful implications, especially for the Christian.

I have met some wonderful brothers and sisters of the faith whose lives have been greatly damaged by sins of the past. Actually, the sin itself and its immediate results may have long been forgiven, both by God and men. But the memory lingers. And the enemy of our soul uses that recollection to torment.

How wonderful it would be for the forgiven saint to forget as well! Then, his or her life could continue without those heavy burdens that would forever linger in the memory.

However, the Holy Spirit also uses our memory. After all, what other means does He have to bring a Christian to repentance and restoration with Jesus? If we could commit a foul sin and then push a button that would remove all traces of this deed from our mind, would we then walk away with a clear conscience? That's just a bit scary.

	120. How did it Start?

On Wednesday, July 10 Kathy, Tabitha, Cherish, and I went to the cheap-seat theatre in Cinnaminson to see James and the Giant Peach. Because we are a highly disorganized family, we missed the first half hour of the movie.

This pattern is quite typical for us. We're late for nearly everything, including movies. Until recently, missing so much of the show would annoy me, ...until recently, that is.

Now I see this quite differently. Watching the last 75% of the movie makes me wonder how it started. I imagine many types of beginnings. For example, I'm wondering if the two haggard women who seemed to be James' guardians forced him to eat canned peaches day and night. When he fell asleep, perhaps then he dreamed the story.

Because we saw it at the $1.50 cinema, I won't have to wait long before I can borrow the movie at the library and find out. I'm looking forward to then.

PS: Today (7/16/96), I just saw the beginning of Jumanji for the first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I think I liked it better viewing it in the sequence that I did.

	121. How far?

Whenever I see an 18-wheeler that's pulling a tank of gasoline I wonder how far that truck could travel if the fuel in the tank it was pulling was connected to the fuel line of the truck's engine.

Well, one day in May or June of 1996  I did something about this nagging question. While I was filling up with gas, a fuel truck stopped for a delivery. I asked the driver, "How much fuel can that tank hold"?

He said, "9000 gallons".

Whoa, two loads would fill our swimming pool.

Now I don't really know what kind of mileage that a big truck like that has. But, one time a bus driver for NJ Transit said his bus gets about 4 mpg. So I'll guess that a big vehicle gets 2 mpg. That means that this fuel truck could travel 18,000 miles on one tank full - more than six times across the continental USA.

	122. How old is She?

Here's a math problem with which my father would torment me starting when I was first learning to do word problems in school and then throughout my childhood. Perhaps it's really a problem in English syntax. If so, pay close attention to the verbs! Anyway,  I couldn't solve this thing for many years until I became handy at algebra.

Mary is 12 years old. She was twice as old as Jane was when Mary was as old as Jane is now. How old is Jane?

Algebraically, I did it this way:

m = 12

m = j+a

m-a=2(j-a)

where m=Mary's current age, j= Jane's current age, and a = the difference in years between now and when Mary was Jane's current age.

Three equations, three unknowns, problem solved. (But you can figure out Jane's age yourself.)

	123. The Siberian Slammer

Anatoly was a Russian tennis player. At 7'6" and over 300 pounds, of which very little was excess baggage, Anatoly was the most physically dominant personality in the history of the game.

Anatoly was to tennis what Happy Gilmore was to golf. He was a mythical character whose game had just one dimension - power. Anatoly would combine his stature with the longest and heaviest racket that the rules allow  to deliver the most blistering service that the game had ever seen.

Opponents would see, maybe, little green blurs passing them at speeds up to 180 mph from a human cannon mounted over 11 feet above the court surface. Due to his elevation, Anatoly's serves bounce higher than most; typically head high.

In addition to power, his serves had accuracy. He would consistently hit a mark within three inches on every serve.

No one ever broke serve against him. In fact, a typical game against his serve would consist of a hapless opponent waving late, or not even trying, on four consecutive serves.

So, if Anatoly never lost serve, he never lost, right? Well, unfortunately, his return of serve was just as weak and inconsistent as his serve was overpowering. As a result, he never broke any opponent's serve. His matches were very long. They wouldn't end until either he or his opponent resigned due to fatigue.

Anatoly devised a secret plan by which he would win more matches. Every so often he would drill his serve to bounce right into his opponent's face. Even though it's only a tennis ball, at those speeds, it hurts. About 20 minutes after play resumes, Anatoly deliberately faults and sends a screamer into his opponent's nose, causing sharp pain  to his nasal cavity and sinuses. Another delay. Still later, Anatoly glances one off the forehead, drawing blood.

Soon the opponent is staggering like a dazed, swollen, and bloody pugilist. He resigns.

Unable to prove malicious intent, the game's administrators watches along with tennis fans everywhere as Anatoly wins the Australian Open, the French Open, Winbledon, and the US Open. He never wins on points. He would simply outlast his opponents until they would collapse from exhaustion or injuries.

But Anatoly's career soon came to an end when his opponents began to wear crash helmets.

	124. Movies that I need to see

Actually, I never considered movies as a necessity in my life. But I suppose that I would be happier if I saw the following movies than if I didn't see them. (Of course, this is only my perception before seeing them.)

	•	Angels in the Outfield. No, not the recent Disney flick starring Danny Glover. I understand that an earlier version of this movie was made in the early 50s, which is interesting because the California Angels didn't become a major league team until the early 60s.

	•	An Affair to Remember. I think I need to see this because the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" made a generous number of references to it. Because S `n S made me smile and cry, I suspect that this Carry Grant/Jeanne Kerr movie will do the same.

	•	The Molly McGuires. After I heard "McArther's Park" on the radio, the announcer commented that his favorite Richard Harris movie is this one. (I'm not sure that he said the song was from this movie, though.) But he also said the flick was filmed in Jim Thorpe, Pa., which is an area that I love.

	Well, on 8/19/00, I got my wish. We rented this movie from Video Time movie store in Albrightsville, Pa, while on vacation. The film starred Richard Harris and a young Sean Connery, and it was located in Jim Thorpe. But I listened from the FBI notice to the snow and no McArther's Park!